"It Was Just So Fast!"

Today, I did something incredible.  Something that will go down in history. Ladies and gentlemen, today I rode my first roller coaster.  Yes, I am a sophomore in high school.  I realize this is a tiny bit pathetic but hey, at least I did it, right?

I went with my friend Snape (see Harry Potter post) to Kings Dominion today.  At first we started out with the "gentle" rides; the antique cars, the merry go round, the ferris wheel.  (I named my merry go round horse Chauncy, just thought you might like to know that.) Then we had a giant lunch of fries and burgers and then some more fries.  And large caffeinated sodas.  Then we went on this ride that was basically a giant inner tube that floated down a lazy river and was ambushed by giant water fountains.  After riding that again and going on a dizzying ride without Snape, we headed to a roller coaster.  I knew it didn't have any upside down parts.  And from a few yards away the drops didn't look too huge.  So I agreed to ride it.  And in case you were wondering exactly what was going on in my head, I will tell you, starting with when I enter the car all the way up to when the ride stops:

Where's the seatbelt is it working? Oh thats how it works. Good.  That would be bad if I fell out.  What's the guy with the microphone saying? Oh hey look at that guys tshirt! It says I'm With Stu- WHOAH that was fast. And its still fast what is going on why am I going so fast this has got to be illegal HEY NOW WE'RE SIDEWAYS! I really wish I could see in front of me. Why did they make the seats in front of me this big? It's not my fault I'm only five feet and- BIG DROP HOLY BOVINES WHERE IS MY STOMACH HELP ME I'M GONNA DIE oh hey its over.  This isn't so bad! I mean, there were little kids in the car behind me.  If they can do it, so can I! Yeah! Oh why are we stopping? Look Snape there are flames over- AHH ITS ON FIRE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! oh it's just for show. And now we're going into a nice tunnel.  This is fun! I think I'll ride this ag- I CANT SEE!!! WHY CAN'T I SEE? WHERE AM I? IS THIS WHAT DEATH FEELS LIKE?? Hey... now that I think about it... this is kind of fun! Haha! whee! i'm on a roller coaster! LIGHT! and now we're slowing down... slow... Hang on, that's it? 


The last part I said out loud, much to my embarrassment.  Afterwards, I realized I had forgotten to mention to Snape that this was my first roller coaster.  I informed her, between ragged breaths and exclamations of "It was just so fast!" Her reaction?

"Oh. So that's why your hand is twitching."

The Woeful Maroon Sweater

Oh, woe is me.  It is eleven o'clock on a Sunday night, and I am holed up in my bedroom sitting mournfully in front of my computer having myself a nice little pity party.  Don't worry, I'll explain.

I was doing a little back to school clothes shopping on a website with a big sale lasting until Tuesday.  I picked out two pairs of jeans that were not high waisted, more ripped than Taylor Lautner on steroids (I hate Twilight but you've got to admit it's true) or so tight that knee bending becomes a long forgotten luxury.  I also found a lovely grey striped sweater on sale. So far, so good.  But here is where tragedy strikes.  I found yet another shirt-that-is-not-a-tshirt (I've been instructed to buy some of those by more than a few of my friends... thanks guys...) that I quite liked.  They had my size and it wasn't even all that expensive.  Problem: It comes in three colors.  I like two of them.  So now I can't decide!  And to make it all the more embarrassing for me,  the colors I'm trying to decide between are actually...dark grey and light grey.  I have got to win some kind of World's Most Superficial Teenager award right now.

You want to know something?  I think that they should make a level of hell for people addicted to online shopping.  They can just sit you in front of a computer with nothing but an eternity and a canceled credit card.  You can shop all you want, but no matter what, you will never ever actually buy anything.  Now that would qualify as torture to a lot of people.

Oh my goodness. I really can't believe this. I can't believe that I went looking around some more on that damned website after all this... but also that I just found a very awesome maroon sweater.  It would look really nice with jeans and my new unicorn tshirt. In fact, it would look more than nice.  It would look supermegafoxyawesome nice with them.  Its also forty dollars.  And when it comes to clothes, I'm almost  as cheap as George Costanza from Seinfeld.  You know, this guy:

Does he look like he would ever spend more than twenty five bucks on any article of clothing? Forget about it.  He once asked for a death certificate at a funeral for his girlfriends dead aunt so he could get a discount on the flight home.  (I guess airports did that in the 90s?) 

But back to the sweater... the title of the sweater is literally "The Perfect Cardigan." Excuse me while I go throw myself off a cliff, after which thousands of hungry rainbow trout swimming in the channel below will nibble on my remains as I am skewered by a pointy rock, the water stained dark maroon with blood that, coincidentally, happens to be the very same color as the cardigan that I so badly want to buy in the first place.  

....Not to be dramatic or anything.  Oh screw it. I'm buying the cardigan.  

Dancing, Blanket Forts and Quesadillas

I should probably go paint my toenails.  But I don't particularly want to.  I should also work on my homework, but I don't want to do that either. What I really want to do at the moment is get whatever random object is in my left eye out of my eye.  But that task is easier said than done.

So instead, I am going to have a dance party!  And make a dang quesadilla.  And after that I'm going to make a fort.

Here is how to make a quesadilla: quesadillas!

Here is a nice top 40 song to dance to:

And if you don't know how to make a fort out of blankets and pillows, I'm afraid there isn't much I can do to help you.  Why not go consult a five year old child?

I hope this has helped you improve your day.  And may all of your wildest dreams come true.  

Night Owling

Seeing as it's summer and I generally don't have to be up at any certain time in the mornings, my 'natural' sleeping habits have kicked in.  To summarize: given the choice I'd probably be nocturnal.  I don't really have an explanation for it.  It's just that once it's night time I suddenly feel very awake, and I won't end up sleeping until I can't keep my eyes open for another second.

I think one of the reasons I love night time so much is that it's just more fun.  Take last night, for example.  It was the last night of my family's annual beach trip, and we all decided it would be a good idea to have a dance party after dinner.  Dinner was at 9:30.

So after we finished eating, we plugged my cousin's ipod with all his DJing music on there, and had ourselves a dance party.  And towards the end, in the mix with all the techno club dance remix songs, American Pie by Don McLean started playing.  That song, in case you didn't know, is one of the most classic 'everyone knows it and wants to sing along' songs ever.  And sure enough, we all stood around the kitchen and started to sing.  Only two of us didn't know the lyrics: my eight year old cousin (excusable) and my twenty one year old cousin (I know, right?)  So he (my cousin) decided to just watch me sing the song and repeat what I said a second later.  It was pretty comical, I really wish I had a video.  But long story short, our family dance party lasted until one in the morning.  I love those guys.

And now for tonight!  Around nine I got back from a trip to the mall with my friend, and I bought a new shirt that wasn't a tshirt.  I know, I can't believe it either.  Not to fill my blog with incessant girly ramblings, but it's grey and white striped and it has this flower lace thing in the back and a v-neck and its gathered in the middle and its so pretty!  Okay, I'm done.  And (this is even harder to believe than the non tshirt) I bought a dress.  I don't really want to describe it too much, but if you've ever seen 500 Days of Summer, it looks like something Summer would wear.  Kind of floral-ey and old fashioned looking.  I really like it.

Then, after the mall and a nice cup of chocolate frozen yogurt with yogurt chips (I'm being detail-oriented tonight I guess!) I came home, plopped down in front of the computer and went on to youtube to listen to a disco song that had been in my head for the better part of three hours.  (Saturday Night Fever by the Beegees.) And a little bar at the top of youtube informed me that My Morning Jacket, one of my dads random alternative rock bands he likes, was playing a live concert being streamed to youtube.  So I told him, and clicked on the link myself, and then found another live concert they were hiding deep in the throes of youtube, which was COLDPLAY, which is pretty much my favorite band ever.  And that's how I've spent the last hour or two.  Just lying here on my bed, watching the magic of Coldplay and Chris Martin.

All in all, I'd say it's been a good couple of sleepless nights.  And August isn't over yet, I'm sure there are plenty more to come.  <3

PS. In other news, I got into pottermore!  I was on vacation this week and it didn't really work for me to wake up at 3 am on the first day to join, because I would have woken up all of my sleeping family members.  But I got in on the fourth day.  I'll keep you posted on what happens when I finally get to start.  All I have now is an account and when I sign in I get a page that says "Congrats! We'll email you when you finally get to do stuff!"

My Trip To Hell (more commonly known as the DMV)

No offense, Rick Riordan, but the entrance to hell is not actually in a used car dealership.  It's a little establishment they like to call the Department of Motor Vehicles.  This is why when people ask me where I was on Wednesday, July 27, 2011, I can say I went to hell and back.

Unlike Dante, Virgil did not take me to the DMV.  My mom did.  When we first went inside, we entered  the first level; a line leading to a desk where you tell the demon guarding the gates why you're there.  

"I was a ruthless gambler." here translates to "I'm here to get my learners permit."  "I cheated on my wife" means the same thing as "I'm here to renew my licensee."  "I killed a man." means "I'm here to take my drivers test."  Oh how I love metaphors.  

After I told the desk demon my woeful tale of ruthless gambling, she snarled at me and thrust a complicated looking form in my direction.  I thanked her, took a number, and had to duck as she snorted flames at me, singing my eyebrows.  

I boarded a boat and rode the river Styx down to level number two, the waiting area.  I looked around at my fellow suffering souls, their eyes glazed over as they tried to remember inane bits of information such as their mother's social security number or the number of hairs on their great uncle's left pinky toe. Choosing a seat in the second row, my mother and I started to tackle the forms.  After forty five decades (here translating to minutes.) our number, T101, was finally called.  And so I began my descent into the third level, verification of identity.  

After a new demon scrutinized all of my papers and finally accepted my existence, he pointed with a clawed finger to a pit of fire with a computer screen.  And so begins level four: part one of the test.

After answering questions ranging in difficulty from "Who has the right of way at a four way intersection with no stop signs?" to "Does this sign mean a) deer crossing or b) merge left?"

After finishing the test, just as I was about to exit the fire pit, a pop-up on my computer said "Error 5546825.7: Test not valid.  See examiner." Hesitantly, I approached the testing demon and told him my dilemma.  After snarling at me and poking me with his trident, he tried and failed to set up the test in a different fire pit.  So he had to print me a hard copy from his computer.  

After ascending into levels five and six, the manual tests, I had to get back on my boat and sail once again to the waiting area.  Thus entering the seventh and penultimate level of hell: the waiting.  I sat there for an eternity waiting for the testing demon to grade my test.  If I didn't pass, I would have to start my entire journey over again in a few days time.  Finally, I was summoned to the eighth and final level.  Approaching the desk once again, I prayed for a passing score.  

The demon thrust a paper at me, with the words "Learners Permit" at the top, followed with my name and information.  I had passed!  I gleefully ran up the stairs careful not to look behind me.  After hours of waiting I burst through the gates and into the sunlight of the world of the living.  I was free!

......And that, people, is what you call exaggeration! But I had been wanting to try writing a simile themed post for a while, so when the opportunity arose I took it.  Hopefully I haven't offended anyone... it's all just for fun.  Also, since then I have been driving twice, both times around my school parking lot.  The second time I had to keep dodging a swarm of vicious geese.  But I'm getting the hang of it, and I'm excited to try going on read roads.  I'll keep you updated on that!