Change

When I was in 3rd grade, I was sent to a new school, away from my friends, because a standardized test told me that I was smarter than they were.  It only took me a few hours in 3rd grade to make a few friends, and life wasn't so bad anymore.  In elementary school there were about 100 kids in my grade.  That made out to 4 classes of 25, 2 of which were GT.  The other two were kids who lived in the school district, commonly refereed to as "base" students.  (I'm amazed at how long it took teachers to realize that this name was somewhat derogatory.)  So I lived in a tiny, secluded universe of the same 50 people every year.  By the time we reached 6th grade, there were clear, distinct cliques for both boys and girls.  I'll spare you the details, but basically, your clique was decided based on if you were a boy or girl, and if you were "popular" or not.  I was an unpopular girl.  The popular girls never acknowledged us, and at first I really didn't care.  I had friends, I liked them, and they liked me.  But by the end of 6th grade I was extremely fed up with our whole "class" system.  I was sick and tired of people treating me differently because of the fact that I usually wore t-shirts and cargo pants instead of aeropostale tees and skinny jeans, or that I liked the color black, or that I hung out with boys instead of girls on occasion.

You see, as soon as elementary school was over I had it in my head that there was something wrong with the way I was, and that in order to be happy I had to stop being an individual and start wearing clothes that inform the world where I  bought them.  I told myself I had to start acting more like the girls I resented so much and care more about things like what color my nails were, how pretty my hair was, or which Jonas Brother was the cutest.

When I got to middle school, only a few other people from elementary school were at my new school, and only a handful were in my classes at all.  In no time I made new friends, and I was happy that they saw the "new" me, who was somewhat girly, confident, and didn't wear skater clothes.  In short, I thought that I was happy.  But over time, I've come to realize something.  Each and every one of my friends is an individual.  Some are girly, some aren't.  They all have their own taste in music, and they wear whatever they like.  They aren't afraid to tell people what they really think, and they have amazing unique personalities.  And none of them have own a single shred of Jonas Brother fan clothing.  (At least not that I've seen...) So what I've realized is this: I may have changed a lot since over the past few years, and my friends seem to like me the way I am.  But you know what?  I have a feeling that if I was still the same girl who wore skater t-shirts and cargo pants and occasionally painted her nails black, my friends would still be my friends.  And let me tell you something else.  Friends like that come once in a life time.

On the other hand, I'm not saying that I've had a revelation and have decided to 'go back' to the way I used to be.  Who knows, maybe I changed because I really did have other interests and not because of my peers.  Maybe I didn't.  But now I've come to realize that no matter what music I listen to, or what clothes I wear, or how I choose to express myself I know that I don't have to worry because I have the best friends that anyone could ask for.