They're Better in Fiction

...but of course, so is everything.  I'm talking about boys of course.


Danny: That's cool baby, you know how it is, rockin' and rollin' and what not. 
Sandy: Danny? 
Danny: That's my name, don't wear it out. 
Sandy: What's the matter with you? 
Danny: What's the matter with me, baby, what's the matter with you? 
Sandy: What happened to the Danny Zuko I met at the beach? 
Danny: Well I do not know. Maybe there's two of us. Why don't you take out a missing person's ad? Or try the yellow pages, I don't know. 
Sandy: You're a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on you! 


Oh Sandy!  Don't despair!  Danny Zuko does love you!  All you have to do is put on this tight fitting black cat suit and sing to him, and he will see you for who you really are!  


Don't you hate boys?


Well, okay, maybe thats a little harsh.  They aren't all heartless pigs.  And I'll prove it to you.


George Michael: Yeah, Ann loves eggs. Sometimes, she puts mayonnaise in her mouth, then she puts the egg in there and does this
[Imitates pushing an egg around in his mouth] 
George Michael: She calls it a "mayonegg!" 
George Michael: [pause]
[to Michael] 
George Michael: Are you ok? 
Michael (his dad): Yeah, I don't feel so good. 


See?  Isn't that just adorable, the way George Michael talks about his girlfriend?  <3


My point? Guys are much better in fiction than they are in real life.  And to prove it to you, after Danny and Sandy have their little argument, they dance off into the sunset at the end of the movie happily ever after.  The end :) 

So lets explore why fictional guys are much better than the real ones we have to deal with almost every day.  For one thing, in fiction, there is almost always a happy ending, and that's because the guys aren't too lazy to actually go out and get the girl they're in love with.  "Oh, she lives in NYC, which is on the other end of the country from me?  And I've never actually met her, just read this letter she wrote to me?  Well okay, sure.  I'll fly from Seattle to New York to meet her!"  And believe me, Tom Hanks, you'll be glad you did!  (Sleepless in Seattle.)


So here is a list of some things that our real guys could learn from fictional ones.  I don't really know if any guys are reading this, but if you are then I really suggest you take these to heart.  I'm not being critical, I'm just trying to help :)


1) Don't give up so easily- instead of saying "what if", get out there and find out yourself. (Sleepless in Seattle)


2) If she acts like she hates your guts at first, there's a good chance she secretly has feelings for you, even if she doesn't know it yet.  And that works both ways. (Leap Year, Letters to Juliet and countless other romantic comedies.)


3) There is always the possibility that you will have to re-live this day over and over again until you finally do the right thing.  And no, suicide will not get you out of this.  Nice try.  (Ground Hog Day) 


4) If she speaks a different language than you, be sure to learn the basics, and don't assume words like "hermano" are the names of men she's cheating on you with.  (Arrested Development.)


5) Even if your crazy rich, don't buy your wife a giant castle for the two of you to live in.  No matter how good your intentions are, she still probably won't like walking around in a giant empty mansion all day.  (Citizen Kane)


6) Don't jump off a bridge, everyone still loves you! (It's a Wonderful Life)


7) Appearance isn't the most important thing to look for in a girl.  She can be perfectly wonderful even if she is green.  (Wicked)


8) Painting yourself blue may be one way to get a girl's attention, but it really isn't the best way. (Arrested Development)

If you have anything to add to that list, want to ask me "what the heck is Arrested Development?" or just want to share your favorite fictional man, please please comment!  I'd love to hear from you!